


Night Of The Living Dead

by such_heights



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen, Humor, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-13
Updated: 2008-06-13
Packaged: 2017-10-03 19:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/such_heights/pseuds/such_heights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The zombie apocalypse comes to Cardiff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night Of The Living Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through 2x07.

The Hub was silent, with only a few lights flickering against the gloom. Owen froze, then began to creep across the main expanse, hand sneaking instinctively to the gun tucked into his jeans. He could hear movement somewhere in the depths of the building, the scuffling sounds and light breathing of someone trying to go unnoticed. Someone, or some_thing_. Owen strained to hear what he could amidst the echoes, if there was any sign of any of his team.

Then came a sound of someone speaking. It was too quiet for Owen to tell much about the voice, but it was coming from near the lift and he sprang into action, crouching low and keeping to the shadows. The lights shone a little brighter for a moment and he could make out huddled figures by one of the computer stations. He moved in slowly, trying desperately to see whether it was his team there, or some alien assailant. As he edged nearer, he began to make out voices.

"This is Torchwood Three," Tosh was saying in low and scared tones, "we've done all we can, but we're sealed in now, we had to protect the base against the onslaught from above." Owen frowned. There'd been nothing on the Plass that he'd noticed as he'd walked across it a few minutes ago. "We think one of them has managed to get inside - we're going to neutralise the threat if we're able, but if I don't check in within a half hour, Protocol 007 will be brought in and the self-destruct will commence."

Owen nearly dropped his gun. He might occasionally let the odd bit of paperwork slip through skim-read, but he was sure as hell there was no such thing as a Torchwood self-destruct protocol. He began to run through the possibilities - some kind of mind-altering drug, maybe Tosh was being impersonated by a shape-shifter, or maybe the inevitable had happened and at least one member of the team had finally succumbed to total and irrevocable paranoia. He moved a little closer, more on edge than ever.

"I've got to call Rhys," Gwen said miserably.

"No, no way," Ianto told her. "That could lead the hordes straight to us - besides, you don't know he hasn't already been turned."

"Don't you _dare_ say that," she hissed, "Rhys can look after himself, he's going to be fine, I know it."

"We don't know if there's anyone still alive up there," Ianto said dully.

"Shut up, both of you," Tosh said with panicked urgency. "I can hear something."

Owen whipped around in a tight circle, but he could see nothing in the darkness. He wondered if he was close enough to chance a call out to the others, to let them know he was here. In their current state, however, maybe best not to risk it until he had a good position. He tiptoed down the stairs, seeing an opening to get around the back of the three of them, hopefully keep them from doing anything stupid.

"Oh, oh my God," Tosh murmured, talking to the computer again. "There's one of them coming up behind us right now. Bullets do nothing; we've tried. I guess this is the end - for pity's sake, don't send anyone down here, we don't want this spreading any further than the city limits."

In a fluid movement, Ianto grabbed a torch and whirled around, shining the light straight into Owen's face. "Oh, God, it's hideous!" he shrieked before letting out a blood-curdling scream.

Owen yelled despite himself, pointing his gun straight at Ianto before all the Hub lights came flooding back on, and he had to squint against the sudden light. There was silence, but when he managed to open his eyes fully again Gwen looked at him for a moment before bursting into helpless giggles, doubling over the video camera in her hand.

"What the _hell_ is going on?" Owen snapped, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his stomach that he'd just been played.

Tosh collapsed against Gwen's shoulder, taking her glasses off to wipe away the tears of laughter. Ianto, all composure save an insufferable smirk plastered across his features, leaned over and brought up a new window on the monitor.

 

If Owen was still in the habit of breathing, he would have taken a deep, seething breath at this juncture. As it was, he settled for spitting, "oh, har de fucking har. Aren't you all hilarious?"

"Yup," Ianto informed him.

"Yeah," Tosh agreed.

"Pretty much, yeah," said Gwen.

"You're going to be a hit on YouTube, I can tell you," Ianto added.

Owen stared at him, clutching his gun a little convulsively. "I could shoot you, you know," he muttered.

Ianto shrugged. "Been done, bit unimaginative."

"Oh, you want imaginative? Jones, Cooper, Sato, I'll have my revenge on all of you, you can be certain of that."

Gwen and Tosh glanced at each other, and Owen smiled until they both laughed uneasily. He tried to make a grab for the camera, but Gwen held it out of reach.

"What's going on here?" Jack had appeared at his office doorway, and was staring at them all in bemusement. "Did we have a powercut just now?"

"Ah, very temporarily, Jack, not to worry," Ianto said hastily.

Jack looked at them suspiciously. "Have you been having fun without me? I thought we had a policy in place about that."

"No, no, not at all," Gwen replied. "Nothing to see."

"O-kay," Jack said slowly, shaking his head. "Ah, Owen, just the man - I need those lab reports from yesterday's autopsy ASAP, the Prime Minister's been on my back all morning - not in a good way."

"Yeah, right, I'm on it," Owen said with some relief, stalking past the others and affixing them each with deathly glares. "I'm onto you," he whispered in Gwen's ear, "just you wait," he added as he passed Ianto. "Oh, and Tosh?" he murmured, bending down and moving a stray loop of hair from next to her ear. "Brainsssss. . ."

Tosh let out a not-quite-muffled yelp, and Owen grinned to himself as he went over to his workstation. Zombie invasion indeed. Like he had the time or energy to go roaming around the streets with his arms held out in front of him like a drunken idiot anyway. He cricked his neck to the side and rolled slowly around in his chair, letting a glassy-eyed stare cross over his face as he met Gwen's eye, who visibly gulped.

Oh yes, Owen told himself as he logged into his computer, making a note to rent out some zombie films from Blockbuster on the way home and pick up a few extra moves. This was going to be _fun_.

\---


End file.
